Home Love & Sex 10 People Reveal Their Overlooked Relationship Red Flags They Regret Not Paying Attention To

10 People Reveal Their Overlooked Relationship Red Flags They Regret Not Paying Attention To

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In a RedditThread, people share the red flags they ignored while dating, and now regret it.

 

1. He had more than 1 passport with different names, he had more than 1 phone. He also had a swastika tattooed on him, covered up, but still.. Shit what was I thinking.

 

2. For our second date, he suggested going out for a moderately expensive dinner (around $50 for the two of us) and then “discovered” that he “forgot his wallet”. I gave him the benefit of the doubt that time, but he wasn’t particularly remorseful about it and I was suspicious that he was taking advantage of me. Sure enough, he proved to be a mooch. I have given myself permission to not follow up with a next date for the next person who “forgets his wallet”. I mean, come on, when I suggest dinner plans, I always make sure I have my money on me before we go. People who genuinely forget act a lot more remorseful and embarrassed about it than people who are looking for a freebie, too. Should’ve gone with my gut.

 

3. Clinginess to his phone and constant guard of his privacy. I couldn’t go on his computer, he logged out of his emails, etc. And this wasn’t due to me ever trying to spy on him. Yep. He was a cheater. I feel so stupid for ignoring that one.

 

4. My fiance, who is now a recovering alcoholic, rarely drank for the first three years we were together, but when he did drink, he drank until he blacked out. I didn’t think anything of it because we were young and, like I said, it was infrequent. Then we moved to a new state, we were broke, he had no friends or family anywhere close, and he hated his job. Suddenly he was drinking several times a week, then every night. I put up with it for about three years because I kept remembering what it was like before he started drinking so frequently; we’d had a fantastic relationship. And it wasn’t like he got violent when he drank, he just became very toddler-like, really. And then he’d pass out and I’d have to dig vomit out of his throat while he laid there unconscious. So my red flag would be someone who can’t control their drinking, even if it isn’t often.

 

5. He was hung up on his ex, and I was young, a little naive, and just plain didn’t know better. He was fresh off a 6-year relationship; he told me it had been over for several months, but I later learned it was more like 2 weeks. On our third or fourth date, we went to see the movie Brave. While eating dinner beforehand, he told me, “You know, it’s going to be difficult for me to watch this movie.”

When I asked him why, he responded, “My ex has red hair.”

That was pretty much how it was most of the time we were together; he could not stop talking about his ex, how horribly it had ended, and how she was crazy. He even told me he’d attempted to contact her multiple times demanding an answer as to why she had dumped him. I thought I could help him heal, I guess. It shouldn’t have surprised me that when I got tired of playing second fiddle and walked away, he wouldn’t leave me alone.

Merida’s giant head of red hair was a giant red flag. The kicker was that his ex’s name was Ariel. Imagine if we’d tried to watch The Little Mermaid.

 

6. That I was always more into our relationship than he was. If either partner ever has to do a significant amount of pursuing (or forgiving), it really isn’t worth it. This is an ex.

 

7. Guy here – I caught her looking through my wallet when she thought I was in the shower. On two different occasions! Ladies, am I wrong to find that as invasive and sketchy? What might she have been looking for?

 

8. The way he treated his mother. It started out with making comments to me about my not so great math skills, but I thought he was joking so I let it slide (He actually continued to do this the rest of our relationship, gradually saying meaner and meaner things). But his mom at the time was having some pretty serious health issues, and taking some medications that often made her forgetful. He would make fun of her and be mean to her about it.

 

9. My ex flat out told me he had cheated on every single one of his ex-girlfriends. I think you all can guess what happened after about a year of dating! He is now married to the girl he cheated on me with and I honestly just feel sorry for her.

 

10. When someone tells you they are an asshole…believe them. Too many times I’ve thought “well you haven’t done anything bad to me…” or “but you seem nice…” It’s never ended well, because people who self identify as assholes tend to eventually act like a giant asshole.

No seriously, get out of there. Sometimes someone hides who they are really well and you could never have known. Other times, there are cracks. If someone is telling you that they are an asshole, or a sociopath, or that they “don’t feel empathy well,” or whatever… you need to take that seriously and get out. They are giving you a warning, and you should heed it.

Take it from someone who didn’t. The most recent time this happened the guy wasn’t totally awful, but when he said he didn’t feel a lot of empathy he wasn’t kidding, and he hurt my feelings pretty badly.

 

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